I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
