I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
there's paper in my vomit.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
