i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Pants are for mortals
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