I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
