So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
