Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Your penis caused this!
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