This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
