Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
