Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
