Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
