There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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