He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
