What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I woke up under a house in Key West
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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