Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
