He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Randomize
