He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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