I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
