so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
