You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
well most of my day revolves around power hour
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
