tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
