The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
