i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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