Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
