Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
only if we run a train.
done.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
