Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
