READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
