you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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