I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
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