Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
