You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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