Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
