He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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