are you so shy because you have an std?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
