I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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