6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
