Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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