I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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