I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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