My hair reeks of homosexuality.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
