i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Randomize
