Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
