pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
