What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
