I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
