Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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