Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He called his prostate his "boner button".
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
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