you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
