Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I skipped work to stalk him.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
