Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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