I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
