Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
she told me i tasted like america
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
