When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
