I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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