I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
