The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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