As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
