I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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