Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
And then the night went full on bisexual.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
