Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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