I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
