I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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